Patience In Midlife Crisis

If you think midlife crisis is something to be taken lightly, DON'T. One might argue the spouse of one going through a midlife crisis is one of the strongest types of individuals on the planet. Imagine your world crashing in front of you, no physical affection, no love, lots of anger directed towards you. And, you have to take it!!

What? Yes, during your spouses midlife crisis, they will tell you "they don't feel it", "I don't think we are a good couple" or provide you with several other lines that will feel like a knife has gone through your heart. You could lose weight from the nervous stress that you undergo too. For some, this can be a good thing.

In the end, if you want your marrige to be restored (with no guarantees) you are going to have to patiently wait while your spouse, books a trip, goes to more rock concerts, goes out to party, and trys to find the solution or fountain of youth. In the end the scary part is that a spouse going through a midlife crisis may be gone forever. And at some point you have to decide if the pain and suffering is worth the wait. How can a spouse that says you are perfect for me one day think you are the worst person on the planet the next? Your patience during this time will be needed like never before. One day your spouse might even talk to you about something meaningful and the next they may snap at you for no apparent reason. A midlife crisis could take years to unfold as this person wants to ultimately become the person they always wanted to become. And to do that, they need to take risk. But the risk they take in the beginning is usually some sort of affair that fills some sort of need. Meanwhile most people that have affairs, do not move on to have a long lasting relationship. Some never figure this out and go from unhappy relationship to unhappy relationship....Sad.

Regardless, this is going to take time and a toll on your family. Can you stay COMPLETELY CALM? Can you separate so many emotions? Can you practice the greatest virtue in getting through midlife? Patience.

Midlife - An opportunity

Are you sad, depressed, feeling like you have not the greatest control over your future or do you find your life boring? Approaching midlife is certainly more difficult for some. As a woman, you may have committed a huge amount of time to loving your children and your husband is a complete stranger. Are you a man that is wondering if you chose the right career path. Ohhh people told you life goes by quickly and you had better enjoy it. Did you listen? Are your kids getting more independent? Are you itching to travel and see the world but are not quite there in terms of retirment yet? Midlife can be a restless time for many and confusing too. But take this time to look at who you are and who the people are in your life that have been there for you and think for a moment. This is an opportunity to rekindle the love that you once had for your spouse. This midlife period is an opportunity for you to think about the next 10 years...Do you want to vacation, spend time with your kids, go to a rock concert? Subtle changs might be what you need. Be careful very careful to not make such drastic decisions that you will have a lifetime of regrets. Midlife is time for reflection. Midlife is time for change. Midlife is time for growth. Midlife is not time to abandon what you have known for so long...There is no doubt that you and your spouse may be "lost" together. But finding your way together may be the most rewarding time in your life...

Detach, Detach, Detach

If you want to fix your marriage from a midlife crisis, go back no further than one of your high school relationships. Or go back to a relationship that was made of emotion in your 20s. Why? Because, it is possible you have been in this situation before. Do you remember breaking up as a kid? It hurts, you go out paint the town red and so does you ex...Eventually human nature is such that you miss that person and you call back all crying. Now things might not be that different. Except you have kids and you live with your midlife spouse.

So as much as your mid life spouse "can't love you" right now, you have got to remember back to when you had an obsessive ex when you were a kid and how much that drove you nuts. DETACH. Meaning, get a life and move on the best you can. Obsessing over a spouse of 20 years or 20 days is a waste of time.

During your detach program, however, you need to focus on yourself and your children. Take your kids to a ball game, take your kids for a walk in the park, walk in the woods, eat better, stop drinking (Can be depressing), go wall climbing, build something, fix a car, clean your car, ge a haircut, read a book, have a coffee, play sports, sign up for sports that you have not played in a while. Do you get the point, LEAVE YOUR MIDLIFE SPOUSE ALONE....Detach....

Here is a great post on detaching! Developing Detachment

Midlife Crisis - A life disturbed

Has your life been disturbed by a midlife crisis? Not easy. This is going to be one of the most difficult times in your life. Your life will get so disturbed by the confusion and lack of understanding that you are going to want to pull your hair out. You are going to have downs, then plateaus, then downs again and then more plateaus. And just when you think it might be getting better, get ready for the rug to be pulled out from underneath you again. You will feel sick to you stomach, out of control and lost in a world that only a few months ago was comfortable. Are you starting to get the picture of a midlife crisis? Now that we understand each other, you have to decide. 1) Do you have the stamina to get to the other side if there even is one 2) Are you strong enough to not have a revenge affair if your spouse had one. If your spouse is in the midst of any kind of affair, well it is likely you have a long way to go to any comfort zone 3) Are you willing to focus on yourself and truly let go of your spouse? 4) Are you willing to grow and take responsibility for your part in the midlife disturbance? 5) Can you take truly look at this time in your life as an opportunity to grow and learn and develop a stronger relationship with your children 6) Can you STOP the blame game and learn that being a critic toward your spouse will NEVER get the love back that you once had? 7) Can you be happy with no guarantees as to the outcome of this midlife crisis? If so, you might have a chance to get through this?

For many, a midlife disturbance is like getting hit by a truck, but the truth is that some people go through this time closer than ever with their spouse. It could take a while...Years! Are you ready?

The Internet and midlife

You are not the first one to wonder about the world wide web and its effect on the midlifer...it can be down right scary. Why is someone who in 20 years has never took the time to contact your spouse, now taking the time? The answer could be simple or more complex. There are lots of nice people out there, but men can be predators to the woman not happy in their marriage. Look for those men the have a stockpile of good looking women as friends on a site like facebook. What egotistical reason might there be for having so many women as "friends"? It all starts with a complement. To some men it is like fishing. Then, a flirtatious comment, then who knows. But under the protection of your own email account, it might be safe. Who knows though? Look at the current "craigs list" eposide where a man is potentially stepping way over the line...
If you are in midlife and spending an abnormal amount of time on the internet, you might be addicted and this short term fix of attention might not be as good as the long term effort you can make to establish a deeper connection with your spouse. The internet in midlife crisis mode can be a dangerous past time. Just try and take a good look at yourself and your online affairs. It might be fun in the short term, but it could be very damaging in the long term.
Good luck midlifers!